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Ugh!!

Author: Cruelcard

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How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?

Author: Cruelcard

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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?

Author: Cruelcard

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Wow! Your third baby! Don't you care about the world population?

Author: Cruelcard

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Happy Baby? Looks like he soiled himself a week ago and you haven't noticed yet!

Author: Cruelcard

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Looks like your baby has finally found a reason to pop out of there

 Baby Cards

Looking to congratulate someone who's recently had a sprog. Here's the way to do it.



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Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.

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I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind.

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I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you!

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Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the f@#* was I thinking?

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I knew the day would come when you'd leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

Author: Cruelcard

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A wise person learns something from every relationship. I've learned that I don't like you!

Author: Cruelcard

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I'd like to rate our lovemaking... You call that sex???

Author: Cruelcard

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I've found the secret to a successful marriage. Living next to a brewery.

Author: Cruelcard

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BUSTED! So that's where you've been spending all your evenings.

Author: Cruelcard

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Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be.. But don't fret about it .. she moved in with me.

 Wedding and Marital Wishes

Your favourite girl off the market? Your best mate just got shacked up? Here are some cards to show exactly how much you care.



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If I get only one thing this Christmas, I hope it's your sister.

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Thanks for being part of my life!! I never knew what evil was before this!

Author: Cruelcard

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Now ... Don't you wish life HAD passed you by?

Author: Cruelcard

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I can see where you get your good looks from

Author: Cruelcard

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Taking part in the Manx TT?

Author: Cruelcard

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Now you know where to stick it!

Author: Cruelcard

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No need to twist my leg!

Author: Cruelcard

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Same shit, different day

Author: Cruelcard

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I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for what happened, especially since you survived.

Author: Cruelcard

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Feeling exposed? Now we all know what your ass looks like!

Author: Cruelcard

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So that's why you have such a high-pitched voice!

Author: Cruelcard

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I wonder if you're as brave as you look?

Author: Cruelcard

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Someone's having a Bad Hair Day!

Author: Cruelcard

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Some days you feel they just keep piling it on

Author: Cruelcard

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You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends .. here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

Author: Cruelcard

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You totaled your car, and can't remember why .. could it have been, that case of Bud Dry?

Author: Cruelcard

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Congratulations on getting your driving license. Now what does that sign mean?

Author: Cruelcard

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This is the only way I'll ever get in a car with you again!!

 Personal Cards

Some cards to help you tweak the nose of fate where people close to you are concerned.



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As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy.

Author: Cruelcard

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Yo mamma's so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Author: Cruelcard

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Yo mamma's so fat she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big

Author: Cruelcard

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Yo mamma's so far when she steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please"

Author: Cruelcard

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Yo mamma's so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks

Author: Cruelcard

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Yo mamma's so fat that she hung up her bra and a camel tried to make love to it

Author: Cruelcard

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Your mamma's so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon

Author: Cruelcard

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Yo mamma's so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Author: Cruelcard

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You mamma's so fat when I take her to the beach, little kids sing "Free Willy, Free Willy"

Author: Cruelcard

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You mamma's so fat they had to baptize her at Sea World

 Mamma Cards

A vast selection of "Yo Mamma" cards. One for every occassion



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Author: Cruelcard

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You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket ... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

Author: Cruelcard

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Skid marks? What ski........er..... Oh!

Author: Cruelcard

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Any chance for a moonie!

Author: Cruelcard

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Hey look! I've found your life!

Author: Cruelcard

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I love the way you're so FULL of life!

Author: Cruelcard

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This is what happens when I listen to your directions!

Author: Cruelcard

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A true friend would stab you in the front.

Author: Cruelcard

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I thought you were a two-faced slimeball, but now I know I'm wrong

Author: Cruelcard

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So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day .. Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.

 Friends and Loved Ones

A friend in need is a pain in the neck. Here are some cards to help you deal with overzealous friendly people.



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Author: Cruelcard

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Easter Eggs? I want wabbit!!

Author: Cruelcard

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Santa Claus is coming to .... *BANG*

Author: Cruelcard

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So this is how Easter Bunnies are made!

Author: Cruelcard

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All the reindeer used to laugh and call him names.

Author: Cruelcard

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This will be your salvation

 Festive and Religious

Religious holidays come but once a year. Thank God for that! Here are some cards to help you keep in touch with your enemies.



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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin them for me.

Author:

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Happy Birthday! You look great for your age ... almost lifelike!

Author: Cruelcard

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I'm so miserable here without you, it's almost like you're here.

Author: Cruelcard

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I heard your brother died. I always hated him!

Author: Cruelcard

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My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat .. when I look at the tire, I noticed your cat.

 Death and Bereavement

Well, everyone has to die one day. Better get used to it. Here are some cards to help you celebrate.



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Someday I hope to get married, but NOT TO YOU!

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Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine.

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When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

Author:

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We've been friends for a very long time. What say we call it quits?

Author: Cruelcard

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You .. Me.. Sex? I'd prefer sleeping with a cactus any day.

Author: Cruelcard

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The only way you're going to get a Hand Job

Author: Cruelcard

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NOOOOOOooooo!!! Don't go to sleep your yet!!!

Author: Cruelcard

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Hurry home! Someone is gonna get some tonight!

Author: Cruelcard

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The Cruel Truth

Author: Cruelcard

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The only way you're gonna get some

Author: Cruelcard

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Do you believe in Safe Sex?

Author: Cruelcard

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Looking for a blind date?

Author: Cruelcard

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Looks like someone's been messing around ... and it sure wasn't me!

Author: Cruelcard

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I found the perfect gift for us.

Author: Cruelcard

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That sure is one wet pussy!

Author: Cruelcard

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It really is amazing how we have this excellent communication going between us!

Author: Cruelcard

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Is this why you think you're a gift to womankind>

 Dates/Love Cards

That special someone in your life making you miserable again. Our fine selection of cards will help you get your own back.



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Author: Cruelcard

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Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday -- so we're having you put to sleep.

Author: Cruelcard

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Best wishes for your birthday

 Birthday Cards

Another year closer to the day someone get's buried. Here are some brilliant cards to show them you care



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Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.

Author: Cruelcard

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So, you're an MCP?

Author: Cruelcard

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It's good to see you under pressure at work .. for a change

Author: Cruelcard

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Company loyalty is your most redeeming virtue

Author: Cruelcard

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You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh .. when they find out your one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

Author: Cruelcard

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Congratulations on your IT career

Author: Cruelcard

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Look honey, I'm home on time today

 Work and Career

A job defines you. Oh yes it does. And a CruelCard can tell you just how things stand. Check them out.



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